The Comprehensive Guide to Losing in Arathi Basin
I've done my fair share of Arathi Basin by now, and I must say that I've been in so many truly awful groups, I could write the comprehensive guide on how to lose here.

So I did.





That's me, and don't you ever, ever forget it.



Truly, playing the Alliance is by no means a surefire guarantee for defeat. I have personally been in three whole games where we won. I play these matches back in my mind and I wonder: how could this have happened? Where did we go wrong? Did we not pack enough people on the Blacksmith? Did we go on the offensive at any point in the match? It truly baffles me, and I hope that a long spiritual quest to find my true inner self will provide me with the answers.

The Arathi Basin is a true vortex of victory for the Alliance--if you ever win here, it's because the gods are literally laughing at you. "Aw man, look at those guys. Don't you feel sorry for 'em? Okay. We'll let them win--just this once."

Divine intervention is the only logical explanation I have for my three wins in the Basin.



Responsibility? Who in the hell wants that? Make sure that no one even starts inviting before you're given your second warning that the battle's about to start. Spamming "INVITE" over and over again is really the only way to get anything done here. Why bother taking initiative and making the raid party yourself? Yeah, right. The day you do that is the day you stop stuffing little snackycakes into your pimple-enriched face, the proud 350 pound tradition you've been carrying since you dropped out of high school. Let someone else do the work; you'll kick back and leech off of their effort. That's how you finally passed the eighth grade after failing it twice. Third time's the charm, bitches.



This shit happens when some stupid waste of oxygen decides to start inviting people without knowing how to convert the group to a raid, and then doesn't know how to transfer leadership. I honestly didn't even know that these people existed in the 30s bracket until today. So while they're jacking off, other people are fed up and start inviting people on their own. So you end up with fifteen people split three different ways and nobody knows what the fuck anyone else is doing.

Come to think of it, that's the case even if all fifteen people are in one group. I guess think of this step as a safety precaution.



No matter what anyone tells you, the Blacksmith is the key to this long-fabled "victory" you hear people whisper of on occasion. All efforts should be invested into claiming and keeping the Blacksmith. All losses can be attributed to not having the Blacksmith, and at that point you should bitch out your teammates accordingly for daring to make assaults on the loosely-guarded farm or lumber mill. If, at any point in the game, you do not own the Blacksmith, call everyone off of everywhere and wtfzerg the two or three Hordies guarding it because a handful of Alliance can't take the job. If, by some kind of freak improbable chance that the Horde have a sizeable force on the smith, all efforts will be concentrated right there, even if it means that everyone is just getting farmed for Honor Kills. (Thanks Aye.)



If someone asks for backup or help, don't you dare move your position and help them. The blacksmith needs protectin'. Moving means that THE TERRORISTS WIN. Who cares if you're ten feet away from a battle? Sit right there and watch your allies get thrashed because they were so retarded as to actually try to win.

All other strategies but your own are flawed. The raid leader never knows what they're talking about; only you hold the key to the Alliance's PvP salvation!



Low health, removing status effects? Are you some kind of Mormon, son? Everyone knows that the Priest's role is face-melting, mind-controlling people off of cliffs, and running into a group and throwing down Psychic Scream. Paladins? wtf idiot, Paladins don't heal anyone but themselves! And the Druids, they root people. That's how it is. That's how it always is. If your class can't heal, you're shit out of luck, because no one will ever, ever heal you.



What's this "offense" of which you speak? Surely mathematics, the mother of sciences, could never fail us. Numbers clearly indicate that we've got this shit covered. So kick back, get some cheetos all up ins, and let the Horde run at your impenetrable barrier of logic.



LOLZ TEH HORDE R TOO STUPID TO TRY TO TAKE OUR COMPLETETEDLY UNGUARDED STUFF HAHAHA IDOTS



It pretty much SPEAKS FOR ITSELF, doesn't it?

I hope you guys all use this comprehensive guide to better your skills at getting your asses completely beaten into the ground.

(Edit: text will be added to later, when it isn't one in the morning.)